Faire la Bise (Kissing in France)
Here in France we like to kiss. You kiss your family members, your friends, your colleagues at work, never strangers. You give them two, three, sometimes four kisses on the cheek. But there are occasions and there are persons you don't kiss. Confusing? Yes, very much so. Why do they say “c’est simple comme bonjour” - it is as easy as saying “Good Morning”! For the uninitiated it is difficult to learn this French etiquette. In the US you just shout “Hi, how are you you?” not expecting an answer about your counterparts state of well being. Or simply “Hi” and you are done with.
Here are the four questions you need to ask yourself if you want to fine-tune your "la bise" skills: “Quand ? Qui ? Comment ? Combien ? “
Quand? “Fait une bise” whenever you see your family members, you colleagues at work or you meet friends for the first time that day. So once a day is the rule. If you arrive at a party, start making the rounds and “fait la bise” right away - it might take you some time until you are finished.
Qui? This one is more complicated as you need to take into account age, social standing and in professional terms the seniority of your counterpart. Family and close friends are easy – you always can initiate “la bise”. For acquaintances and colleagues you can follow a simple rule: Let the older or more senior person initiate “la bise”. Keep in mind you never, ever take the initiative to kiss your boss – a sure way to get fired. So what about man greeting man: In general no “bise”, but between the younger generation “la bise” is increasingly common. Woman greeting woman and man greeting woman: always “la bise”, but follow the aforementioned rules.
Comment? It depends – if you want to play it safe just touch the cheek with your cheek. With family and close friends you might actually kiss them lightly on the cheek. No wet kisses please. The more distant the person, the less body contact. If you must, touch one arm of your counterpart; touching two arms is still acceptable. Let's examine a bit the man greeting woman “bise”: as a rule no flirting is involved here, let's say in 99.99% of the cases. But any rule has its exceptions. So it could be an excellent opener to start flirting. Where else in the world do you find such an opportunity to get so close while greeting a person. So the length, intensity and body language is a great opportunity to express your affection. But use charm and decency, don't overdo it. Manage the situation with great finesse! Sometimes less is more.
Combien? Well, that's the big question, nobody can answer this one for sure. Here in the Provence we generally kiss three times: left cheek, right cheek, left cheek or right, left, right – it does not matter. But that's because we are peasants here. The Parisienne “society” kisses only twice: left, right or right, left. The Parisienne bourgeoisie reportedly kisses three times. And then there are regions in France where you kiss four times. In the end nobody is really sure how many times – it depends on the person and occasion. Twice is the minimum and be prepared to go at least three times.
